I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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