Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
If its not for food we ain't going out.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
