Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
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Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
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He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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