Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
