Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I said "one day" and that day is not today
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
