i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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