he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
