i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
