So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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