..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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