The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize