I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
