She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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