He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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