I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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