Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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