What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
