I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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