do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
