Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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