i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
