We're facebook friends in real life
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
