You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
