if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize