i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
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He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
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Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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