Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
