Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
