I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
