I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
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That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
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Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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