Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
