you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
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maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
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He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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