I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
