She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
