Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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