It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
