i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
