An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
