I'm going to jail i love you
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
