Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
