hotel room ftw
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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