new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
