So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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