The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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