you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
