cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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