I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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