someone get that fucking seahorse.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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