I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
