Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.

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(937): View more from Ohio

love makes seman taste better

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(231): View more from Michigan

I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.

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(206): View more from Washington

I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.

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(208): View more from Idaho

Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.

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(504): View more from Louisiana

You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.

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