So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
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All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
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During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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