yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
