GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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