$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
