I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
