i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
