I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize