I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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