He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
