i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
