So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
