I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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